The fall itself was not one for the ages. It was one that I have, to my embarrassment, done several times throughout my life and have fully recovered from - usually with a finishing “Ta Da!” remark to stave off the chides of onlookers. This time the thud I heard was different. It came from deep inside my shoulder. As I lay there doing a mental check, I realized that this was not an injury that I would be able to fix without some help. I hate asking for help! I hate the reality of needing assistance - especially when it was as a result of something so innocuous as playing with children.
I looked down as the pain welled up inside. My shoulder was now in my chest. That ain’t good. OOOUUCH! This pain is not subsiding!
Wait a minute! I saw this happen in a movie… What was it? Mel Gibson…One of those with Danny Glover maybe…. All he did was throw his shoulder against a wall and popped it back in…there is the corner of the brick church….OK, I can do this… and everything will be right again. OOuuch, I need to do something fast! OK, up to your feet you stupid juvenile of a man! One time and everything will be fine.
Wham!!!
Nope…OOOH, that is not good….Let me lie down for a minute.
As I lay proned out on the sidewalk on the outside of the open church, my projectile vomiting seemed like the death throes of a dying man.
You know those video games that the kids play where a character goes down and the last thing you see on the screen before it goes black are the feet of people, from his viewpoint, as they walk by the character? That is what I saw. Little children running by in oblivion to the problem I was facing.
Wait, I have to throw up again. Blahhhhhhhhh!
Now, you would think that someone would have seen this transpire. But every adult was on the inside of the uncompleted church and I was shielded by a three foot wall, just out of eyesight from them. I rolled over and looked up and I saw some brown eyes looking at me from the window sill.
Hey, you…I mean, “Amigo, go get Mr. Carroll.” “Si!” he responds, and off he runs towards the interior of the church. Oh good. Now I can start the long process of getting help.
Back comes the little man. “Mr. Carroll not come right now! Mr. Carroll says he is busy and will come in a minute!”
This is like a bad dream!
I roll over and, Blahhh! Wow, that throw up seemed to just leap out of my belly like some alien in a science fiction movie…how bizarre! OOOOUch, this really hurts!
I roll back over and there is Jennifer, my bride! My lovely angelic wife with an orphan on her hip. How providential! Wait, she is saying something to the young child… “Oh look, what is Mr. Eric doing out there on the ground? Is he playing with somebody? He is so funny!”
Oh man! All those years of clowning around are coming back to haunt me now!
Well, this is not how I envisioned the mission trip working out. How am I going to help out with the needs around me? Instead of being a help, I am now the one in need.
I raise my neck and summon the strength to gasp (like those last dying breaths of a shot-up cowboy in an old western), “Jennifer, put the kid down. I need help!” And I collapse back down on my face.
Yep, you got it. It could have been so romantic and chivalrous. I could have been actually dying after some great battle of the ages between right and wrong. I could have made one last cry of “Freedom!!” after a lifelong battle with tyranny. I could have espoused my deep devotion and love to my wife of so many years as I watched the light of eternal bliss fast approach my consciousness. But no! I stoop in this sad and somber moment to simply cry out in self-serving anguish. And all of this after a pitiful and utterly childish fall that was every bit of my doing and undoing. On top of that, I would have to live with the embarrassment, because as painful as it was, I knew that it was not terminal.
I am told that my beautiful, quiet, soft spoken wife ripped my shirt off of my shoulders like a woman possessed using her teeth and the strength of a she-grizzly bear. I must pause here and make a mental note to watch myself a little better around her from now on. After all, the she-grizzly bear is the baddest thing in the forest!
Pain! That is all I felt as we jostled slowly up the mountainous, pot-holed road and out of the valley.
On a recent National Geographic show there was a lion in obvious post-fight pain, taking short quick breaths as it recovered from its wounds. Imagine that picture and then the picture of a woman doing her Lamaze breathing during child birth. Those are the closest visualizations I can convey in regards to my routine of breathing. Add in the occasional pathetic and unmanly yelp and you might begin to get the proper picture.
At the top of the mountain the decision had to be made, right to Talanga or left to Tegucigalpa? “Whoever has Morphine is my friend” is all I am thinking. Talanga it is. After all, it is closer and they had a 24 hr clinic. Or so we thought.
I am told we tried two clinics and a hardware store before we found a doctor who would see me. I can’t be sure. Roads in a third-world country are pot luck adventures. I just saw the dash board while I was leaning over and trying to pass out.
In fact, I would only be able to recognize the clinic, where we finally stopped, if I were to look at the sidewalk going in.
“Buenos, Buenos, Morphine!” I mutter as we stumble in. My vocabulary is sad.
I should spend a little moment here to assure the reader that this poor pitiful soul of a patient had to be helped to these places by four capable angels of mercy in the forms of Sarah Carias, Ashley Capps, Carroll Burley and Lawrence Mims. I am not a good patient. I am one of those people who “try men’s souls” when I am hurt. That phrase is usually saved for moments of crisis, economic disasters or worldwide conflicts—but it is very pertinent here. I look back with humbleness and penitence at the manner in which I performed. If you know me, I am sad to relay that I did you no service in my association with you and you should venture to separate yourself from me for fear you get blamed by proxy for my failures of manhood. Had it not been for these helpers from Heaven, I would certainly have been worthy of being shot like a lamed horse and left to the whims of the curious tropical creatures that crawled around the jungle near the orphanage.
Osman, our orphaned friend who has been so helpful the past two years actually put a leash on a huge grasshopper and was walking it around like a pet.
I am almost positive that long-winded conversations were being had between my angels of mercy and this wonderful doctor. All I remember though is the doctor first assuring us he could set the shoulder back right and then recoiling with dismay at the sight of the injury. No, he most assuredly could not help me because the shoulder came out in a way that I would need to be sedated.
Sedated??? Did he say sedated?? “Yes, yes!!! Doctor! Si! Si! I want sedation! Morphine!! Por Favor!”
Evidently, Morphine is not given out to local clinics in Honduras any more that they are in the United States. All he can give me is a muscle relaxer. Well, OK. Like I have a choice.
“Gracias,” I say in between the Spanish being relayed by the doctor and our interpreter, Sarah.
“Don’t mention it,” the doctor replies with a sly smile. He speaks English? What?!! Oh, we’ve got jokes now! Even in my pain, there is a new humbleness I can feel. Wait, OW! that hurts. Yes, please give me the muscle relaxer if that will help. We have to go to Tegucigalpa? Oh, Lord, please make this muscle relaxer help. We have to back track to our intersection of decision and then go on to the capital city.
Now, obviously, the dash board can only hold my attention for so long. As the pain subsides to a dull throbbing from the muscle relaxer, I find myself able to pay more attention to my other senses.
W h a t I s t h a t s m e l l?? Oh, that is disgusting! I don’t remember passing by the dump on the way to the orphanage from Tegucigalpa’s airport, but I am fully aware of it now. It must be right beside the road. I raise my head ever so slightly. I can’t be sure that the trash alongside of the road is the trash of the dump - or waiting for the dump. And the people walking around - are they scavengers or workers? The obvious answer is a graphic reminder of the truths about third-world countries and the public health care challenges they face.
Public health care….wait, what kind of hospital am I going to? In a city with this type of trash problem!?
A private hospital? You say it is better? Are you sure? OK, like I have a choice.
This is an old warehouse for a car dealership; this isn’t a hospital! Are you sure? Lawrence and Sarah are adamant that this is the place. The fluorescent lights flicker in the parking garage as we pull up and are waved into a parking spot.
Really, flickering fluorescent lights in a warehouse garage—Did I see this scene in a 007 movie recently?
I am told to sit in the wheelchair. It only has one foot stirrup. I am pushed through a doorway and out onto the other side of the building, back into the sunlight, and down the sidewalk towards the rock paved road. “Wait, slow down. We are going down a hill. You are never going to make that turn!!” I can’t take it. The thought of crashing head long into the roadway is too much.
…I told you I was a bad patient. Up and out of the wheelchair I go with the assistant trying to catch up to me.
Carroll, Lawrence, Sarah and Ashley are trailing behind. Ashley is pleading, “Eric, please get back in the wheelchair!!” Where is this place? Back in the wheelchair I am driven into the next building where there is a room with four emergency beds on the other side of a waiting room.
I am imagining that all they are thinking is, “Here comes a gringo…Oh my. What is that in his chest? Is that his shoulder?”
The reality is everyone is there for issues of their own. Some woman is pacing back and forth in obvious pain as the family waits with anxious thoughts in the waiting room. I surmise it is fairly serious. Doctors look up and assess the new arrival, me. I again am humbled because I know that despite my pain and my incapacitation, I can be fixed relatively easily. Hospitals are no joke and serious issues are being treated. And this is a private hospital, the public ones are unimaginable. It makes my plight and circumstance seem so small.
I seem so small to the needs about me and my ability to help.
I am so small to the needs about me and my ability to help.
Well, the first thing is X-rays. That was a given. Let’s go. Wait……. where is Sarah? She is still in the waiting room. I can’t speak any Spanish with these nurses. Sarah!!!!
My beautiful nurse asks me how old I am. I know this because she said something and I heard “anos,” years.
--- I got this----“Well I am quarente’ y siete’ anos,” I say weakly. (My version of Spanish, “47 years of age.”) The next few moments were pantomimes that effectively translated into: stand up by this box as straight as you can so we can stand behind this lead covered wall and take your x-ray. I figured out the “as straight as you can” after the first picture wasn’t good enough. I then proceeded to collapse on the floor in pain and was helped up into the wheelchair by the various people with white shoes. It could have been Quasimodo for all I know, but all I saw were white shoes.
By this point, the muscles around my shoulder that was in my chest were contracting into a big ball. I know this because the doctor said that in order to pop the shoulder back in I needed to be heavily sedated - so that those muscles would relax enough to work it back into place.
Sedation!? My ears are perking up and I make a sound that is remarkably like Scooby Doo before he gets a scooby snack. “Huhmm? Morphine? Si! Si! Put me under? Si! Si!”
The doctor goes on to say (in Spanish through Sarah) that after he is through, it will feel like night and day. The pain will instantly go away by comparison.
I am thinking “Yep, that’s good. Let’s do it. What are we waiting for? No more talking. Morphine, sleep. I am ready.”
Evidently, there is a shadow program for students in the workplace in Honduras like there is here in the States. I say this because the doctor introduces his daughter to me and the others. He then proceeds to instruct her on how to properly stick me with a needle and hook me up to the sleepy stuff. I figured I better pay her some compliments during this procedure and I think I said she was pretty (“Muy bonita”), but everything went black after that.
Word is that even under sedation I was kicking so bad that they had to re-medicate me. When I say “Word is” it really is “words are” as there were multiple English and Spanish speaking witnesses to my self-destructive acts during this medical procedure. I do not mention the names of the witnesses for fear that I may have done or said something that may come back to haunt me ten years from now and their anonymity would be important to my case. I do recall trying to apologize for anything I may have said or done that would bring shame to me or my family. (This was repeated by my wife in the days that followed, unbeknownst to me, for she had the same fears.) Again, as I have said, I am not a good patient - apparently even when I am heavily sedated.
Evidently there was some liberty taken to play with my stupefied and sedated state for I awoke to Sarah making fun of me for something I had said or done. The laughter at my expense was a welcome relief to the pain and suffering of the previous hours. I then found myself in a van with Jason, our fearless leader, who had arrived in time to head back to the orphanage. The shoulder sling was wrapped tightly around my middle and I was happy to be pain free by comparison. The doctor had evidently given me some instructions that Carroll had been wise to listen to; but, I was more pleased to be heading back to the mission.
The days to follow, though, left me humbled and insecure about my role in the mission. No longer could I be counted on for the heavy lifting. That self-defined role had permanently changed for the week. I struggled to find my place among so many willing and able-bodied souls with indomitable spirits. I am proud of the service we accomplished during the week, and am proud of my association with our mission and our mission team. But I am left with an emptiness and a searching for some meaning in my plight for the week.
I am comforted though by my knowledge and experience in God’s work in my life in the past. In the Bible we hear of important men and women who walked in the light of God’s path for their whole lives and were barely mentioned in the pages of antiquity. Thousands of years of history and billions upon billions of people being born, living their lives and dying in anonymity mark the history of mankind with their Maker. Yet He knows them all by name even before they are born.
What I have come away with now is much like what I came away with last year. It is not about me. I am small. The problems are too big for me. It is not about me. It is about God and His work. When we see the work through those lenses it is very liberating. I am hopeful that, though I am no longer in my prime, this broken vessel can be used in some small, but important, way again.


